Saturday, February 26, 2011

World of Warcraft...Dun Dun Duuun!

So I've finally resorted to doing it, playing World of Warcraft. It is just a 14 day free trial, and I haven't started yet, but I already know that I need to keep from getting sucked in. I need to keep telling myself that this is just a temporary fix for a gaming withdrawal. I'm going to start it up right after I publish this post and hopefully it will be good, but not good enough to lock me into it's magical spell. I'm going to toe the line between worlds and hopefully I can come out unscathed, for there has been many a knight felled by its mystical powers.

 Now, I shall pay tribute to some warriors lost between our worlds....... I'm going to ask you to now play the video and slowly scroll down the page. I know this is a blatant ripoff of the ASPCA commercial but hey, why fix what ain't broken. I'm just upset I can't get that slow zoom in/out thing they do.

nerd at his computer
a fat guy trying to fix his computer
a super nerd dressed to impress
nerdy batman cosplay
why do fat guys cosplay as girls
fat guy cosplaying
fat girl cosplaying

I shall venture onward now, in hope that I might return to you one day with most of my cardiovascular health in tact.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

American Idol Roulette: Scotty McCreery

While watching the newest episode of American Idol for whatever reason I had, I remembered something I read on a blog some time ago. That is that somebody (me) should buy the domain names for American Idol contestants in the off chance that they strike it big and you own their .com name. First, the person I would bet on would  be Scotty McCreery, because he is a good ol' country boy who will probably sell millions of country records(because it's country music).While, I'm thinking about doing this because
a) It doesn't cost that much money ~$15
b) It wouldn't be that much work to basically copy and paste some stuff about them from around the net c) there could potentially be hundreds of thousands of views on that domain within the next few weeks as they perform and get voted off.

As we know, hundreds of thousands of views means $$$ but the downside is that I'd be risking $15 and a bit of time to make another site about Scotty McCreery. I really can't decide what I should do here, but here are some facts.
1. All the contestants are taken so what is left over are the lowerclass domains and misspellings
2. I'd only be looking at linking a blog type website to this domain so it'd be easy to create
3. It would give me a reason to watch American Idol
4. I could always make a fanpage and hope to get some crazy twilight-esque following

Of all the ideas I've come up with for making easy money, I think this is one of the stupidest, right behind animal shaped rubber-bands and bean-bag baby animals. Man, those ideas sucked when I had 'em back in '87 (I wasn't born yet). You might ask "Why would you bet on Scotty McCreery in this American Idol roulette?" Well, like everyone always says.... Always bet on black.
Scotty McCreery plays some good country music on American Idol
  This is just a little PR work I did for young Scottie. I think this will increase his singing abilities beyond any meer mortal. You're welcome Mr. McCreery.
Scotty McCreery playing some country music with his new moustache on American Idol
 That, my friends, is a moustache transplant from the great Burt Reynolds, which is what I feel will jumpstart his career in country music. To all of Scotty's fans, You're Welcome. Anyone think he looks infinitly creepier in the bottom one? I really need to get back to video gaming since all I'm doing for fun is messing up searches nowadays. If anyone actually looking for Scotty McCreery country music on American Idol sees this I'm going to die laughing.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Weird Game of the Week#8: Amateur Surgeon 2

This week's weird game is brought to us by Somalia, the third world leaders in amateur healthcare. This game is exactly what it sounds like, amateur surgery. You play as a doctor who has been fired/let go/whatever from his hospital and resorts to working in what looks like a gas station bathroom. You get patients who want(need) surgeries from you, and you perform them with some simple tools. This game is easy to understand because you just cut people open, find stuff, and sew them up, but it seems very hard since I only had 2 seconds left on patient 2 or he would have died. I haven't even tried patient 3 yet because I just can't have a death on my surgery stats. Click the Pic to go to the game.

Amateur Surgeon 2, Weird Game of the Week #8

Monday, February 21, 2011

Hippopotamus Seppuku, Hipster Moustaches, and Hard to Jump to Platforms

Todays post is about some stuff I've learned through creating my first website. It's also about how I hate it when video games include platforms that you need to go to, but are just right on the edge of your jumping range. It gets even worse when they string lines of these hard to reach platforms, I hate it. That's enough about platforms, what this post is really about is some tips to help your blog and some cool technologies that Google provides us web-people. Okay, there's a break here so my front page isn't covered in massive images.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Crime Show Investigator: i Need Some Feedback

So I haven't posted for the last couple of days because I've been working diligently on my website. I've actually been working on it for over 3 months but I kicked it into maximum warp this week. It is something I thought of where people can submit reviews of crime television shows and movies, like the billions of cop dramas and detective shows that there are nowadays. I watch a few, and that gave me the idea, plus I just wanted to try my hand at creating a website.

Here's where you come in. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to wander into my website with fresh eyes (and unique web browsers) and tell me if you see anything. It can be anything, from something horribly wrong to something that you just don't quite like. I don't have every browser known to man and the ones I do have are the newest versions so I want to know if any of you see something that gets messed up in your browser. If something looks off could you please leave a comment with your browser and what happened and I will happily go and comment and support you. I don't really want support yet on my new site though, thanks.
---Sorry about the obnoxious link text down there, it's just a small bit of SEO. ---

 The site isn't complete because I don't even have a review of every television show I posted a category for and the movie section is non-existent. The Forum is a mess even though I've spent 5 hours today manipulating the stupid css files. Alright, this is what I think to be the worlds best crime show review website Crime Show Investigator: All Crime Movies and Television

And here is what you are comparing it against. There is also a gun to the left, I know it's not there in the pic.  the worlds best crime television and movie website

I think I did pretty well and I only spent $43.32 out of pocket on the whole shabang (not including the cost of my time).

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Universe Needs Saving: Metroid Prime 2 Echoes

So since my Xbox is in a garbage dump, I decided to break out the old Gamecube and try to beat some games that I never beat. I only found 2 games in my stack that I never managed to complete. Metroid Prime 2 Echoes and Legend of Zelda Windwaker. I'm pretty sure that the reason I didn't beat these games (in the no less than 3 times I tried) was because it took so long that I eventually got bored and stopped playing, then, when I started playing it again I always restarted from scratch since I couldn't remember anything I'd done previously. This time will be different. I will defeat the baddies and save the worlds. I just started Metroid yesterday and am already 20% done according to the save file.

Metroid Prime 2 Echoes is all about Samus Aran, a bounty hunter with a special suit. The whole point of the game is that you were investigating the disappearance of some marines near planet Aether. It turns out that the marines were following some Space Pirates when they crashed on the planet and were killed by the Ing. The space pirates were after Phazon, some kind of blue energy crystals, when they stumbled upon this planet loaded with the stuff. The only problem is that this planet is actually 2 planets in one, a dark one and a light one. Some cosmic stuff collided with the planet creating parallel planets and the evil Ing in the process. Now that you have arrived, the light world finally has a hope of defeating the Ing and (wait for it) saving the Universe, because the Ing are so powerful that they will take over everything if they succeed here. It also turns out that  (surprise!) the dark world also has an evil parallel Samus clad in (wait for it) all black.

This game is actually much better than I make it out to be, I just hate the fact that you can't look up/down while moving and when you want to charge a beam shot you always fire a single shot first and basically waste ammo. That being said, one of my favorite parts of the game is that you start very close to the marine ship and the creatures in that location amount to cockroaches. So you get to see some cutscenes where a whole battleship of marines die from tiny insects. I also like the powerup-spacing. Here's a list of the powerups I got during the first of the 3 temples. Space Boots, Missiles, Light Beam, Dark Beam, Power Bomb, Dark Suit,  numerous missile expansions(8) and health expansions(4). The only thing left for me to do is exterminate the Ing and return Aether to its former glory. I'm just waiting for M. Night to step out and be like "The light world is actually the bad-guys and you just helped them conquer the Universe"dun dun dun.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Chipotle Mexican Grill: A Love Story

Graph of how much money Chipotle stock made me

So, earlier this year I had a post about this video game called the stock market where I said that my virtual account was down 5% in just one week. While, my actual account got money in it and I started to invest, slowly at first because I was cautious of losing all my money and then having to jump out the window like the stock traders of the 1930's. It's only a first floor window though, so it would be worse because not only would I live but I'd also have to pay for a new window.

However, that was not the case because what I did was invest in a little company I like to call Chipotle Mexican Grill. Their stock symbol is CMG which stands for Making MArk Money Company (not the best choice of letters on their part). I'll break down the trade for you now. It was early in the morning on a Wednesday, the clock read 12:30pm, I knew that Chipotle was going to report earnings at 4:00pm Thursday and I believed it was going to be good news. **

I purchased my $1 million dollars of Chipotle stock through my hand-forged "Cayman Island Wire Transfer Briefcase©"at $248.30 per share giving me 4,027 shares of the stock. The company reported great news.**

After all was said and done, the stock had gone up $18.70. Meaning that my 4,027 shares had netted me a cool $75,304.90. I finished the transaction by calling Jason Statham on my burner cell phone and told  him in my toughest voice "Sell it and keep the change". So at the end of the day I'm left with $1,075,304 from my initial investment of $1,000,000.00, an increase of 7.5% in just two days while Jason Statham made $0.90. Sadly though, hiring a photoshop professional for the graphics in this post cost me $75,300 and I had just enough left over for a taco at Chipotle to celebrate my win. **
My team of lawyers(12 of them) tell me I need this next part.

**Some of the facts stated in this article may be slightly modified and enhanced.
 Except for the 7.5%, I really made that, and the Jason Statham part.
Jason Statham Answering My Phone Call

Friday, February 11, 2011

Weird Game of the Week#7: Gamer Skill Test

This weeks weird game is brought to us by Jesus, the worlds finest agriculture management consultant. Before you go any further, check out the game or else you won't get the joke. Okay, that might not have been the game I was talking about.

  This is the real weird game of the week #7. This game is brought to us by Silly Bandz, the world leader in kids' 5-10 rubber wrist apparel. The whole purpose of this weeks game is to test how talented you are as a gamer through fast-changing mini-games. These games aren't explained beforehand and change rapidly so the first time you play through the game is your baseline gamer instinct. Subsequent plays will allow you to learn the games and get slightly better scores as well as a more accurate reading of your abilities. Here are my first 3 plays in order. Notice the explosive growth in all 3 sectors.

My first play-through score

my second play-through score

my third play-through score

Just for fun I tried one where I did nothing and let the game run through without hitting a button to see the minimum score. Other than the positioning score it destroyed my first time, meaning that I'm worse than someone who doesn't hit any buttons. 

the score when you don't hit any buttons

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Gaming Through Life: The Worlds Best Hippopotamus Seppuku Resource

Earlier in the month I tried to get my blog to be the number 1 link in google for the phrase "How do I get a hippopotamus to commit seppuku?", and I have succeeded. With this victory come the spoils, as I have also ranked pretty well for a variety of hippopotamus/seppuku related queries. Below is a sampling of my accomplishments.
Google results page for gaming through life
search results page for hippopotamus seppuku

Gaming Through Life: The Leading Expert on Hippo Seppuku
My blog is the best for hippopotamus suicide
Another google results page for my blog: Gaming Through Life
Hippopotamus committing seppuku results page
My blogs results for hippopotamus suicide queries
Gaming through Life

And now for my personal favorite. That second result is a blog I'm following that has a recent posts from followers column. So that means my blog is #1 and a link to my blog from another blog is #2. Booyah. Mission Accomplished.
My favorite google search results page of all time

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Gaming Through Super Bowl XLV

Here at Gaming Through Life we (I) take pride in our (my) ability to create games out of everything. One of those things is watching TV, which I have mastered through one of my many (267) doctoral degrees from MIT.
MArk's MIT Doctorate for TV watching
Some of the games that I am about to invent might be hard to play because they will take massive amounts of calculation and/or a clicky counter machine. 

1. Name Game - Bet on which players name will be said the most times during the broadcast

2. Stats Game - Keep track of the number of times the announcers mention practically meaningless stats. Example = "Well Madden, did you know that Rothesliberger had licked his hand an average of 47 times in the first half and has only done it 9 times since the Black Eyed Peas assaulted his eardrums"

3. Replay Challenge Game - At the start of a Coaches Challenge, each player picks a number of times that they think the play in question will be replayed for your viewing pleasure. The person who is closest to the actual number wins $7 million. (Smart money's on 8) You can also bet on the number of unique camera angles they will use. (I'd go with 4)

4. Commercial Challenge - Before a commercial break starts, each player selects which commercial they think will appear first, your choices are 1. a Soda/Pop ad 2. a Beer ad 3. a Car ad or 4. a Website ad. I'm pretty sure this is an even odds bet across all 4 contenders. Bonus points if you select the correct brand/company in your category.

5. The Real Superbowl Winner Game - While not as fun as the other games this one is pretty simple. You guess on the team that wins, who is the true winner of the game, i.e. the player who won a Superbowl Ring with the least amount of effort. Will it be the kicker who only had to kick 3 extra points, will it be the backup offensive guard, will it be the injured running back, could it be the punter, nobody knows who will be this years LWP (Least Working Player). Bonus if the player you selected hasn't done anything all season and still gets to 'put a ring on it'.

Let's not forget about the True Super Bowl winners, the network that gets 100 million viewers for 4 hours at $3 million per commercial. That is like being able to print money on paper you got for free. Stay Classy San Diego.

Friday, February 4, 2011

How Do I Get A Hippopotamus To Commit Seppuku?

Right off the bat I'll sat that this post isn't about what you think it's about. In a roundabout way it is about getting your hippopotamus to commit seppuku, but there is a deeper theme to this post. Today I noticed that I've gotten some surprising links and google results for my blog.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Weird Game of the Week# #6: Bull Run

Bull Fighter Game Link
Get ready to grab the bull by the horns in this weeks weird game brought to us by the ASPCA, the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. In this game you play as an idiotic Spaniard who thinks he can traverse the streets of his homeland quicker than a 2000-pound bull. The game is extremely simple, use the arrow keys to avoid both the bulls and your fellow countrymen. I always seemed to get tripped up on the people instead of gored by the bulls, but the bulls provide a much greater sense of loss. I don't know if I could've beaten this game without wearing my pajama-suit. Click the picture to go to the game.

 I think my new Spanish motto is going to be "T'an pillao" if that is the exact translation underneath it in the picture. My old spanish motto was "Imposible solo existe en el mundo de los incapaces." which means 'Impossible only exists in the world of the incapable'.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Pajama-Suit Up

So lately I have been experimenting with the stock market and have learned one secret that I would like to let you in on. Wearing a suit (or half a suit) magnifies your powers 10-fold. Since I started wearing my suit-top I have made $40. At this point you may be wondering a few things like: What are you wearing instead of suit pants, what difference could wearing a suit possibly make in exchanges happening through your computer, and how can I harness these powers for myself? The answers in order are, pajama pants, none, and you too can wear a suit top and pajama pants.

The powers of the pajama-suit lie in the ability to constrict your upper half whilst maintaining maneuverable lower extremities. This allows for the feeling of urgency for your upper half, making you work faster and, as studies proved, stay focused an amazing 99% more. All this comes without the drawback of constricting movement to the lower half, which increases movement speed a whopping 37.4%.

You might be wondering why you have never heard of the pajama-suit before, that is because the powers that be don't want you to access the amazing abilities the attire affords. If you don't believe me, try the pajama-suit risk free for 90 days.

Through Google Images I have managed to find only one image of a pajama-suit. Luckily this image was taken before the powers that be invented a fictional molestation charge to try and keep the pajama-suit from going public. Also, Barney Stinson from the television show How I Met Your Mother tried to bring the full pajama-suit to the mainstream but due to its loose top-half it has nearly a 73.2% power reduction from the regular suit top + pajama bottom combination.
Michael Jackson pajama suit
Barney Stinson pajama suit