Monday, January 31, 2011

Movie Review: La Moustache (2005)


So with my Xbox broken I somehow arrived at the library yesterday. While perusing through the dvd section, something caught my eye. Was it a movie about the history of the moustache? Was it a movie about a guy with a moustache? Was it a depressing tale of a mans quest for a moustache? Whatever it was I knew it would be awesome so I picked it up.

What it turned out to be was weird. I have watched the movie and read the wikipedia summary, but I still have no idea what the movie was about. My best guess is that it was about a guy who shaves off his moustache, forgets who he is, and has a psychotic break. The movie never really answered the question of whether or not he had a moustache, whether the events happening were real or not, or why the guy was having a mental breakdown. This movie left me with so many questions. Was it all the moustaches fault, was it his wife's fault, was it a horrible movie?

I have no idea what just happened to 84 minutes of my life. This movie was extremely hard to understand and it might just be over my head, but it seemed like it was made by somebody who had just shaved off his moustache and was having a mental breakdown of his own.

All this talk of moustaches has gotten me in the mood for a top 5 Google Image search of the term Best Moustache. If you are counting, I have used the word moustache a total of 10 times.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Van Gogh Xbox Complete

So I have finally finished the world's first Van Gogh Xbox and I guess it's good enough to share, but first some things I've learned through all my endeavors. You will probably skip to the pictures and not even read this sentence.

1. Paint it all in one day. I know this might seem like a huge task but you will thank yourself because you won't have to mix paints 3000 times trying to match the color you had yesterday. The result is that it won't match and you will have to scrape off and repaint the whole section.

2. Make sure to get a yellow, blue, and a red paint. As I learned these are the primary colors and allow you to mix any color you want. I didn't know this and thought "There's no red in this painting, why would I need that?" Also, black and brown don't come in that handy since everything you add it to just changes to black, it doesn't darken the color at all.

3. Get multiple brush sizes. That brush down there might look tiny, but when you're trying to paint something meant for a 3 foot canvas on an 9 x 11 inch Xbox it isn't. A smaller brush would have come in handy.

4. Know something about art. This will come in handy at all steps and might even make your painting look good.

6. Never sell your painting because when you die the price will skyrocket..

7. ???????

8. Profit.

So here goes unveiling my masterpiece after the break......

Monday, January 24, 2011

Painting Update

The painting is about 1/2 to 2/3 of the way done and so far it doesn't look al that much like the original. But, in line with my normal activities I shall blame everything but myself. The paints cost $3 total, arts education is really lacking in the United States, I only have 1 paintbrush, I only bought 9 colors of paint(2 of them are white and black), the Xbox doesn't have the texture of canvas that I have become accustomed to, and Van Gogh painted it really good just to make it harder for me. This has been my greatest challenge as an artist(pronounced: arr-tee-st) but I feel that I have learned much from the Pawn Stars and, by spending only $3.42 on this project, have left myself much room for profit. When this painting sells at auction, I will make $13 million so my total net profit would be $12,999,996.58 and then I'd look super cool by saying "keep the change".

This is an artists rendering of what it looks like so far, and it will probably take 1 or 2 days once I force myself to start painting that bottom part. I am determined to have pictures of the finished product in the next post.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Weird Game of the Week#5: This is Why You're Fat

This weeks weird game is brought to us by High Fructose Corn syrup, #7 in the world for negative publicity. I'm going to take some liberties scripting this games object so here goes. The object of the game is to create a thanksgiving day feast for a very lazy, very hungry pilgrim using your Native American(read: Indian) hunting skills. You must track the turkeys through multiple forests over treacherous terrain, in no way is this a turkey massacre. You get nothing but the primitive bow and arrow that you fashion yourself from whatever was around in the 1500's. Once you have collected whatever scraps of turkey you can find, the pilgrim eats it all and whatever weight he gains is your score. I do mean to brag, but I did quite well in this game, because I am in fact 93.7% Native American and was able to channel my ancestors through my weapon, and managed 4th best in the world. Take that South Korea.
Click the pic for a link.
IQ Tester score

I also found an IQ tester that was easy and didn't ask for my phone number, so I took a shot. Turns out I'm pretty smart, in your face Einstein. Y'all can take a gander now and post results if they even compare to my immense intellect. It might be hard to see, but that number is 143, which is 7 points higher than what I estimate Einsteins score would be if he took this test. Pic is the link again. 
my IQ Test results

The poll results were Van Gogh, and I've started painting. It should only take a couple more days until I have the finished product. I have it from extremely uncredible sources that the art world has never awaited the finishing of a piece with as much anticipation. 

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

12 Hours Left On The Poll!!!

There's not much time left on the poll, and Van Gogh is in the lead with 9 votes while all the other options have just 3 votes each.

Now would be the time to vote if you haven't already.

This might be time for me to brush up on my art techniques(pun intended) before I forge a Van Gogh on an Xbox.

Here is a small sample of my other works so you know what you've gotten me into...

"I enjoy the forced perspective and brilliant depth of brush strokes on the canine model, which symbolizes the stagnant decline of todays youth." - P. Diddy
"The brilliant use of lighting on this self portrait makes it one for the ages." - Abraham Lincoln

That last one sold for 12.7mil at auction last month. Apparently Stevie Wonder really enjoys my artwork.

Well, get to voting and I'll start thinking about how I'm going to pull this off.


Saturday, January 15, 2011

Xbox Update + Weird Game of the Week #4: Finding a Magic Spell That Works


So far it's not looking good for my xbox. I've given him 60cc of morphine, 12g of tylenol, and 3 purification spells(have fun on that website). The patient hasn't responded to any of the treatments and I'm wondering if it could have lupus.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Fixing Xbox and New Poll

Turns out my Xbox isn't under warranty anymore and it almost wasn't covered last time it went red, about 2 years ago. So that leads me to try and fix it myself using nothing but my doctorate in Xbox fixing from M.I.T.(see photos) and my MacGruber toolset. While taking off the case it occurred to me that, since I had already voided the warranty, and broken a plastic tab, that I should repaint the case after fixing it to make it look awesome.

My point with this is I need help deciding how to paint the case so there is a poll to the right and any good suggestions might get added to the poll. In one week I start painting regardless of whether it's fixed or not so I guess you should vote.

After the break, Tons of Pictures....

Monday, January 10, 2011

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

While I was playing some games today, this happened.

Yes, that is the red ring of death. What makes it even worse is that my Xbox might not be under warranty. I was so close to finishing Assasin's Creed II and haven't even started playing Mass Effect II yet, this couldn't have come at a worse time.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Video Game Review: The Stock Market

I recently began playing a very old video game, the stock market. While it technically isn't a video game in the strictest sense of the words, it is extremely close because the only interaction I've had with it is through a web page. The numbers are all virtual, the money's all virtual(for now), and it is sort of like guitar hero because it trains you to do a real world skill. Unlike guitar hero, trading in the virtual stock market is the exact same as trading in the real one, minus the gambling. Everything that happens to my virtual portfolio of $5,000 would happen to my real $5,000 portfolio, if I had one.

I reviewed this because I think we're all out to make money and this is one of the ways available to us all. It might not be the most interesting game out there, but it is one of the most valuable, and if I end up making boatloads of money on the market one day I'll thank stock market hero(or luck). So far I've only managed to lose 3% of my starting funds this week.

Since I'm doing pretty bad I might actually try listening to this guy.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Baby Destruction and Baby Chipper: Weird Games of the Week #3

This week we have two morbidly weird games sponsored by Jonson and Jonson, a fictional company. The object of both of these games is the murder of babies. In game #1, Baby Destruction, you are asked to punch every baby the storks try to deliver in front of you while in game #2, Baby Chipper, you are performing a late 3rd trimester abortion using a vacuum hose and a wood chipper.

These games aren't weird in the I don't know what I'm playing way that the first two were, but I hope they make up for it with the fact that the idea of shooting a baby across the sidewalk into a wood chipper is pretty weird. Oh yeah, turn the sound up for baby chipper. You're welcome.

I'm trying a new style of linking so click the images to go to the games.